So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
