Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
