Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
