When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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