It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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