i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
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I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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