i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
