Just fell off a train. Bad.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
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I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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