y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize