Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
