Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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