Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
whose parrot is this?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
