There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
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Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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