Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize