It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
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I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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