after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
