Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
