and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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