they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
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Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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