their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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