dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
