Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
