And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
