When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
