ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
