Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
