the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
