Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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