i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
