kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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