Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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