Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
