The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
