i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
PANTIES FOUND
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