Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
