Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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