Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize