Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again