I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
