I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
