I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
