I just saw a hot homeless man
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
