After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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