it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
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I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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