I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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