How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
