I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
there's paper in my vomit.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
