Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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