Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize