I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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