You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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