I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
