I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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