I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize