we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
