Jerry, you need to find god
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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