thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
